Lectures Don’t Work
Have you noticed that lecturing your teen doesn't work?
You see their choices so clearly—the unfinished application, the D in math that could have been a B. The path forward seems obvious to you.
So you share your wisdom. Your experience. Your perspective.
Why wouldn't they want to learn from you?
They always did when they were younger—eagerly soaking up your knowledge about dinosaurs or how to tie their shoes. Your words were gospel then.
But now they're teenagers.
Their eyes glaze over. They check out. They nod mechanically while scrolling or mumble "fine" before retreating behind their bedroom door.
The truth? Teenagers have an overwhelming biological drive to figure things out for themselves. Their developing brains are literally wired to push back against your advice.
And isn't this what you want? For them to develop independence before they leave your home?
This is the ultimate parenting paradox: You need them to learn to make good decisions on their own, but watching them stumble is excruciating.
They aren't going to get it right the first time.
Maybe not the second or third, either.
But building these problem-solving muscles now, under your roof, is what will equip them when you're not there to guide them.
Instead of another lecture that falls on deaf ears, do you know what they actually want to hear?
"Oh man, that sucks."
That's it.
Those four words create space for them to talk without defensiveness.
When you validate first, they relax. They open up. Sometimes, they even ask for your input.
Try this approach for just one week. You'll feel the tension melt away almost immediately—like finally putting down a heavy backpack you've been carrying for years. And that flicker of connection? It might just remind you both of how good things can be.
❤️ Jeanine
P.S. Tired of the blank stares and one-word answers? My free
5 Questions That Get Teens Talking guide has been a total game-changer for so many parents. One mom told me her son shared stuff he'd been bottling up for months after she tried just the first question! Grab it here and you might be surprised at what your teen tells you this weekend.
