“You can’t talk to me like that!”

When your teen is rude, disrespectful, or nasty, your instinct is to yell, “You can’t talk to me like that.”

You want to take their phone away or cancel a fun activity.

Your desire to control your child’s behavior with a stern voice and punishment is natural.

We all tend to parent the way we were raised. That's all we know.

But think about when you were a teen.

When you said rude, disrespectful, or nasty words, you were frustrated about something.

And when your parent yelled and punished, you thought:

You don’t understand and felt angry and upset.
And more subtly, I’m bad, and felt ashamed.

When your teen is frustrated about a situation, how does it help to pile on anger, sadness, and shame?

There is new research that points to a better way.

Instead of reacting with anger and punishment, try to engage and connect.

Say, “You seem angry right now. What’s going on?”

Encourage them to talk about what’s causing their frustration.

When they are calm, say, “It didn’t feel good when you spoke to me that way. I bet it didn’t feel good to you either. Let’s figure out a better way to communicate when you feel frustrated.”

This approach teaches your teen that their feelings aren’t wrong.

It teaches them they are not a bad person.

They learn the skill of effective communication.

When your teen feels your acceptance, and not your disappointment, it reduces conflict and increases their confidence.

And for you, no more regret.

No more guilt.

Only good vibes.

♥️ Jeanine

P.S. Leave your parents’ method behind and learn updated parenting skills so that you raise a responsible, confident teen who enjoys being with you for years to come. Take the first step and schedule a call HERE.

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